In the early Woody Allen comedy \u201cBananas,\u201d our hapless hero helps a bearded revolutionary curiously reminiscent of Fidel Castro fight his way to victory in a revolution against his banana republic\u2019s ruthless dictator.<\/p>\n
The triumphant freedom fighter strides out onto the palace balcony to accept the adulation of the cheering crowd, declares himself dictator for life, and promptly issues his first orders. Among them: \u201cEveryone will now wear their underwear on the outside, so we can check.\u201d<\/p>\n
It\u2019s amusing because it sharply condenses the inevitable process by which those who find no limits on their power gradually take it upon themselves to control every aspect of everyone else\u2019s life \u201cfor their own good\u201d (Hi, Comrade Putin) — and also because it\u2019s just so downright silly.<\/p>\n
Real-life governments are so tied up with truly important matters that they\u2019d never have time to bother us about anything so trivial as whether we\u2019ve put on clean underwear, whether tavern owners choose to allow their customers to smoke while eating chicken wings in the bar at midnight, or, say, the size of the water tanks on the back of our toilets.<\/p>\n
Oh, wait.<\/p>\n
The founders promised Americans a central government of sharply limited powers, bothering itself only with foreign relations, provisioning a Navy, and so on. Such questions as whether and how doctors and drug peddlers might be licensed, even building codes — assuming Messrs. Adams and Madison ever imagined such things — were left to the states or the people to work out. The 50 states could try it 50 different ways, and see what worked best.<\/p>\n
But \u201cThat was then,\u201d as the politicians love to say.<\/p>\n
Today, if our state legislators want to keep being handed their \u201cfair share\u201d of the loot seized from our paychecks every week, they\u2019ve learned they\u2019d better get with the program, adopting Washington\u2019s one-size-fits all \u201crecommendations\u201d when it comes to seat belts, air bags, motorcycle helmets, speed limits — yes, even requiring too-small toilet tanks, \u201cto save water.\u201d<\/p>\n
What next — a federal edict on what kind of light bulbs we have to use?<\/p>\n
Oh, wait.<\/p>\n
Buried deep in the new energy bill signed by President Bush last month — buried there so no congressman would actually have to stand up and vote \u201caye\u201d for such \u201cgreen\u201d silliness, you understand — is a requirement that would phase out the ordinary light bulb between 2012 and 2014, in favor of compact fluorescents and other, costlier, high-efficiency instruments.<\/p>\n
Americans would simply be barred from buying the old-style light bulbs, just as Congress has tried banning normal-sized toilet tanks, normal-sized magazines for pistols and rifles, et cetera.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhile an incandescent lasts about seven months, a fluorescent burns six times longer. It also saves about $5 a year in electricity costs, paying for itself in as little as four months,\u201d enthuses Steve Nadel, head of the American Council for an Energy Efficient Economy to USA Today.<\/p>\n
But if they\u2019re so great, why is there any need to mandate them?<\/p>\n
Americans have already started moving toward the new lights for use in hard-to-replace locations, or where the headaches caused for many by their flickering moon-blue beams are not a concern.<\/p>\n
But that\u2019s not good enough for our congresscritters, or the special interests whose posteriors they yearn to suckle and smooch. No, everything that isn\u2019t mandatory must be banned, and everything that isn\u2019t banned must be made mandatory — even if it means forcing us to drive tin-foil cars that crumple in a crash, stand around in bathrooms waiting for the tank to refill so we can \u201cflush again,\u201d and pay many times the cost per bulb for lights we don\u2019t like.<\/p>\n
Unintended consequences? What are those?<\/p>\n
Can\u2019t fluorescents full of mercury vapor constitute a disposal hazard? And what will happen to our rate of fire deaths if a certain percentage of Americans already living in borderline poverty decide to go back to candles or kerosene lamps?<\/p>\n
Those who stocked up on cans of Freon when Congress required us to change our refrigerants made out like bandits. Now expect to see dwindling supplies on the light-bulb shelves as word gets around, and the hoarding begins.<\/p>\n
But don\u2019t worry, Congress can just ban \u201choarding of light bulbs.\u201d Right?<\/p>\n
The federal government: \u201cWe have the solution, and it\u2019ll soon be your problem.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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